i shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and i -
i took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
● ● ● ●
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Morning Tears @
4:12 PM
My sophomore year of high school was the darkest period in my life; and one I will prayerfully never return to. Skipping church service, spending time with people I knew only cared about them, doing what felt right, rather than what was right. My relationship with my family became strained and our household was in constant turmoil due to my behavior. The fighting never seemed to end; my parents constantly nagging me about school and preparing for college. I was impulsive, impossible and selfish; until my parents forced me to go to Camp Orlando in the summer of 2007. I fought with everything I had; why would I want to spend a week with kids from a church I didn’t go to and a God I cared nothing about. But to my relief plenty of my classmates would be accompanying me as well.
Ignoring the messages and only there for my friends God got my attention in a major way. As Doug Pierce and the rest of his band members stepped on stage and began to sing, the lyrics hit me head on. Music has always been a major part of my life; it relates with us on an emotional level. To know that someone somewhere has felt the way you do in that moment gives you a bit of hope. God began to use the words of those songs and chip away at my hardened heart. By the end of camp I had broken down and made the commitment to rededicate my life to Christ and leave behind the childish side of me. Returning home to my family repentant and abashed we were able to start fresh.
As my senior year drew closer I felt convicted about my choice of major for college. Now that I was spending time in the word on a regular basis, I felt that my choice to go to school for veterinary medicine was a mistake and that God was calling me elsewhere. Terrified to tell my parents I continued to pray about it hoping that the Lord would reveal what alternative he would have me do. September 8, 2008- my eighteenth birthday and Student Life Orlando, I was spending time with Chad West in the tech booth of the Student Center of First Baptist Church of Orlando. As Chad began to show me a bit about what each board did and what his duties were I began to take interest rather than just mere curiosity. Introduce Simon Hunt. Simon was in charge of the students that were helping out with the event. Attending Wednesday night services on a regular basis I had seen him around, but not taken too much notice. At that moment a little over two years ago, never would I have seen myself where I am today.
Over the course of my senior year in high school Simon, guided me and taught me everything I needed to know about the technical world. We had plenty of times where we didn’t see eye to eye, but everything always worked out in the end. He provided me with opportunity after opportunity to build myself into a better technician and farther my opportunities. Finally I knew what my calling was- to allow people to worship together on a larger scale; now I just had to tell my parents. It was mortifying having to sit there and tell them I didn’t want to attend veterinary school after all of the time and research they had invested. Skeptical at first, my parents have now grown an appreciation for my passion for this ministry.
Camp Orlando of 2008- I went to camp as a technician for the first time and student for the last. The excitement of load-in and the extra privileges were almost too much to handle. When the band members- and now close friends- began to play, I felt such a sense of admiration as I was able to mix the band that God had used to break me. And a year later at Camp Orlando 2009 to share with them exactly how He had used them to push me in the direction I needed to go.
Over three years have passed since the first day I began my interest in audio engineering and I have been blessed beyond measure. God has placed so many people in my life that have pushed me towards the goal that he had for me. As this new season of my life begins I would like to take the time to individually thank each person that God used to direct me. Each of you cannot fathom how much the Lord used you to influence my life.
God has done such a work in my life and I know he will continue to do so- the story is in the journey.
“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
Labels: anxiety, christ, church, creativity, depression, faith, God, jesus, self esteem, spiritual
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Hello Alone @
6:26 PM
Although it seems like it has dragged on, the ten weeks I have been living in Port St. Lucie has flown by. There have been good times and bad, but I know I wouldn't have made it through any of this if it wasn't for my support system. I want to thank all of you all across Florida for supporting me and being there for me when I needed you.
But most of all I want to thank my parents. You all have supported me in this decision from the very beginning and have been a continual reminder of how God grows us. You always provided a listening ear and sound scriptural advice as I struggled through these growing pains. I am beyond blessed to have such godly parents who are always there to pick me up when I fall and guide me through the tough times so I don't have to. You two are such blessings to me and I love you and miss you both so much.
As this time in my life draws to a close I can't say I have many regrets. Although I wasn't true to myself when I first got here, my parents reminded me to be who Christ created me to be and what he had called me to do. I have pursued Him with everything I have and will not apologize for that.
I pray that as I step away from Community United Methodist God will continue to work in these students' lives. I pray that a strong leader will take up the position I now leave behind and continue to push and grow each of these individuals. Explosion Youth Ministry, I love each and every one of you more than you can imagine. My prayer for you from the beginning is for you to fall madly in love with Jesus Christ and to shed away the lukewarm life.
Five days remain until I return home to Orlando and begin a new chapter in the book of life. I am excited to see what plans God has for me and where He will lead me next. Only time will tell, but I am willing to do WHATEVER He asks of me.
Labels: church, faith, God, jesus, spiritual, travel
Saturday, May 29, 2010
A Movie Script Ending @
7:40 PM
Seven days. One week. One hundred and sixty-five hours. God made the earth in seven days. Seven is the perfect number. It is also the amount of time I have left to spend with family and friends here in Orlando. Never has a decision been more difficult and easy at the same time. God opened every door imaginable and continually fortified his answer through his word, events, prayer and people. I am excited and frightened at the same time. Through my inadequacies and weakness He proves Himself.
To family and friends old and new, I am going to miss you all so much, but I know this time is an opportunity to grow. Stepping out of my comfort zone and into the unknown, I step out with a smile on my face knowing that the Lord holds everything in His hand.
"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."
- Francis Chan
I choose not to stagnate. I choose to believe that I am not my own. I choose to step out and live life for Him. I choose not to care what others think about me. I choose to acknowledge Him before man, that He may acknowledge me before the Father. I choose to be a Jesus Freak. I choose life. I choose Christ.
"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."
- Francis Chan
I choose not to stagnate. I choose to believe that I am not my own. I choose to step out and live life for Him. I choose not to care what others think about me. I choose to acknowledge Him before man, that He may acknowledge me before the Father. I choose to be a Jesus Freak. I choose life. I choose Christ.
Labels: faith, God, jesus, spiritual
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Only the Beginning of the Adventure @
2:49 PM
I enjoy long road trips almost as much as arriving to my destination. The open road provides you with such an opportunity to evaluate yourself. Grouchy and tired, we piled in the car at seven this morning and made the two hour drive down to St. Pierce. After spending some time in the word I flipped open Francis Chan’s Crazy Love. I have been reading it for about three weeks now, attempting to take my time. As I flew through three chapters I realized that I hadn’t even comprehended what I had been reading, I was merely attempting to take my mind off of my nerves. Closing the book I popped in my headphones to my ipod and listened to a little David Crowder, but I once again found myself uneasy.
As the day wore on my stomach was in knots until I finally gave in and handed it to Him. “If this is where you want me, give me peace.” An overwhelming sense of calm came over me as I stepped into a room of eleven board members who were to interview me. I felt like the meeting wore on for hours, but every answer flowed freely in comparison to other interviews. Knowing that I would continually have to be in prayer about the position, I thanked them and jumped in the car to make the two hour drive back to Orlando. When asked how I felt, I couldn't deny that I felt completely at ease. I shocked myself, expecting to feel completely uncomfortable about it; almost expecting to. Perhaps I was a bit disappointed that I did not feel uncomfortable, did I really want to take that job? It was almost as if I was saying, "Really, God? Are you sure this is the one?" Then when I felt Him saying yes, I asked again- expecting a different answer. Was I ready to do something like this? Was I capable of moving to a small town with no public bus system and no Chick-fil-a? Could I give up my First Baptist Family and go in faith to a small Methodist Church whose entire attendance didn’t even equate to our student ministry?
It’s been a good six hours since the meeting and I have felt nothing but peace about this call to go. I am overflowing with mixed emotions about this. Part of me knows it’s a fantastic opportunity to grow their nearly nonexistent student ministry, but my selfish nature wants to stay at FBCO and with my family. Discerning what is my will from God's will isn't difficult when I shut up and listen, but obeying is another story.
I feel utterly inadequate. Ironically my devotional this morning reminded me of exactly what I needed: God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.God didn’t even tell Abraham which direction to take, He just said pick up and go. That took a massive amount of faith on his part and I am worried about out about moving to a smaller town for ten weeks; I feel like a fool. I am utterly humbled, terrified, blessed and excited to take that step of faith and leave Orlando.
Labels: church, faith, God, jesus, spiritual
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
My Challenge to You @
8:37 PM
God has really been laying this heavy on my heart as of late, so here is the back story behind it:
Sunday Morning David Ring came to speak at First Baptist Church of Orlando. For those of you who don't know who he is- David Ring is one of the most influential pastors/speakers of this quickly ending era; he also has cerebral palsy. As one of our pastors helped him to the stage I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, although I knew his story would be one of how God had worked through him and how he had overcome his “handicap.” As he began to speak [You had to listen very closely because he had a speech impediment as well] I tried to go in with an open mind. What the Holy Spirit revealed, blew me away.
His story was one that had truly been used by God, who had not used his handicap as a justification. The one statement he used repetitively in his sermon was, “I have cerebral palsy. What’s your excuse?” As he repeated that statement throughout his sermon, it hit me harder each time and caused me to examine myself. What excuses was I making in an attempt to rationalize my actions or lack thereof? I had a bad day, so I snap at my parents and my younger brothers; a customer gave me a ration at work, so I speak poorly of them behind their back. This man who stood on stage before me had every reason to want to curl up into a ball and die. David Ring’s life has been nothing more than a worship song to Christ and his story. What have I been doing the past twenty years of my life?
This is where you come in. Now I know some of you are new Christians and still have that fire, while others of you like me, have been Christ followers for years. Whether you’ve been a Christian for two years or twelve years, I urge you- DO NOT BE COMFORTABLE! How many times do we consistently read our bible then get satisfied with how close we have become with Christ. We then gradually stop being consistent, and slack off; satisfied where we are. Do not allow the time you spend in church service to be the only time you are getting fed. Spend time in the word every day, by any means necessary.
If we relax and become content with where we are, we begin to congeal and our flame fades. People complain about the camp high, and that they wish every day could be like that. IT CAN! We go to camp to feel that flame rekindled but the truth of the matter is that church is supposed to be that spiritual kerosene for us each week. I suggest finding a church that will challenge you in your spirituality and is active in the community. Do not go to church expecting to be entertained; allow all the distractions-s the type of music, or the missed cues- to fall away && focus on WHY you are there.
I have heard not only from friends, but my own younger brother that he does not enjoy going to church anymore. The fact of the matter is that we need to get over attempting to go to church to be pleased. Find a church that preaches the bible but is that kindle that stokes the fire. Take what you’re learning and actually apply it! Dedicate your day to Christ before even stepping out the door. Glorify God in ALL of your speech and actions and allow Him to take over your day. Be consistently stepping out of your comfort zone and stepping up like Christ has called us to!
His story was one that had truly been used by God, who had not used his handicap as a justification. The one statement he used repetitively in his sermon was, “I have cerebral palsy. What’s your excuse?” As he repeated that statement throughout his sermon, it hit me harder each time and caused me to examine myself. What excuses was I making in an attempt to rationalize my actions or lack thereof? I had a bad day, so I snap at my parents and my younger brothers; a customer gave me a ration at work, so I speak poorly of them behind their back. This man who stood on stage before me had every reason to want to curl up into a ball and die. David Ring’s life has been nothing more than a worship song to Christ and his story. What have I been doing the past twenty years of my life?
This is where you come in. Now I know some of you are new Christians and still have that fire, while others of you like me, have been Christ followers for years. Whether you’ve been a Christian for two years or twelve years, I urge you- DO NOT BE COMFORTABLE! How many times do we consistently read our bible then get satisfied with how close we have become with Christ. We then gradually stop being consistent, and slack off; satisfied where we are. Do not allow the time you spend in church service to be the only time you are getting fed. Spend time in the word every day, by any means necessary.
If we relax and become content with where we are, we begin to congeal and our flame fades. People complain about the camp high, and that they wish every day could be like that. IT CAN! We go to camp to feel that flame rekindled but the truth of the matter is that church is supposed to be that spiritual kerosene for us each week. I suggest finding a church that will challenge you in your spirituality and is active in the community. Do not go to church expecting to be entertained; allow all the distractions-s the type of music, or the missed cues- to fall away && focus on WHY you are there.
I have heard not only from friends, but my own younger brother that he does not enjoy going to church anymore. The fact of the matter is that we need to get over attempting to go to church to be pleased. Find a church that preaches the bible but is that kindle that stokes the fire. Take what you’re learning and actually apply it! Dedicate your day to Christ before even stepping out the door. Glorify God in ALL of your speech and actions and allow Him to take over your day. Be consistently stepping out of your comfort zone and stepping up like Christ has called us to!
Labels: complacent, faith, God, jesus, spiritual
Monday, April 12, 2010
I Am Utterly Ashamed @
9:43 PM
Today as I was browsing twitter I came across a link that made me curious, as I followed the link I swiftly hit play on the video before even reading what it was about. As Francis Chan stated the disclaimer about the video I felt I was prepared- although looking back now, I know I did not prepare my heart enough. The images of the people of India beating their friends and neighbors flashed across the screen. My stomach dropped and heart sank as I watched these Christians being bludgeoned to death. As the video came to a close I sat there weeping feeling more ashamed than I ever have in my entire life.
I feel so utterly guilty for making every excuse possible to not share the gospel with someone when the Holy Spirit prompts me. To say “No” and “Lord” in the same sentence is not possible. “Not right now God.” Or “He won’t want to hear what I have to say, Lord.” How blessed am I that the worst thing that could happen to me was that someone verbally abused me and shuts me out. My heart is so broken and so repentant for not doing exactly what I was called to do. I wept as I watched these videos, first for the pain they had to endure, but secondly for my lack of faith and commitment to doing what I am called to do.
Labels: christ, church, faith, jesus
the art of uncertainty.
two roads diverged in a wood, and i -
i took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.