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Saturday, December 4, 2010
Sticks && Stones @ 9:17 PM

It astounds me how the simplest of words really stick with you; especially if said by someone close to you. Usually people would brush it off and move on, but I know for a fact everyone has those certain quips that cut to the bone. There is a saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."- that's a lie. Just something we pitch to kids to make them feel better, when in fact that isn't the case at all. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can crush the spirit." That is truth.

You can call me mellow dramatic or whatever you like, but when I find those people I can trust most, their word is golden. Like a child trying to save up his raffle tickets to buy the big grand prize at the fair. But the fact of the matter is people fail you. You can play skeet ball as many times as you want but it only produces so many tickets and the fact is you more than likely will come up short. So how do we stop this from happening? The truth is; we don't. We can't. Humans are flawed and that is just a fact of life we have to accept; as heartbreaking as that may be.

It is amazing to me how much of a roller coaster this week has been. Scathing comments from someone I abhor still tore me up; then someone I care about deeply. Its funny after you hear these simple things they say that ALL of the disheartening things that have been said about you come back to memory. Maybe its just me, and little things like that tend to stick with me- who knows. When I find someone I can trust I open up to them almost entirely, making myself completely vulnerable. Perhaps this is a mistake on my part; a simple naivety, if you will. Or maybe its just downright stupidity- the desire for a simpler time when people actually upheld their integrity.

I have shed more tears this week than I have in a LONG time, but I have to push forward, as much as evil habits crop back up. They call my name, and I struggle to ignore them. They whisper sweet lies into my ears speaking of relief and comfort. Though it may last for a short time, it wont remedy the words that plague my thoughts. Why is it so hard to break a habit, whether something small or addicting? I have to continue on- pushing forward, pushing against the addiction and words that fuel that ever growing fire.

Worthless
Nothing
You act like 'so and so'
Ugly
Selfish
Liar
Horrible Friend
Immature
Unsaved
Unloved
Fat
Uptight
Lazy
Disappointment
Indecisive
Alone
Hated








i shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:

two roads diverged in a wood, and i -
i took the one less traveled by,

and that has made all the difference.




the art of uncertainty.