I enjoy long road trips almost as much as arriving to my destination. The open road provides you with such an opportunity to evaluate yourself. Grouchy and tired, we piled in the car at seven this morning and made the two hour drive down to St. Pierce. After spending some time in the word I flipped open Francis Chan’s Crazy Love. I have been reading it for about three weeks now, attempting to take my time. As I flew through three chapters I realized that I hadn’t even comprehended what I had been reading, I was merely attempting to take my mind off of my nerves. Closing the book I popped in my headphones to my ipod and listened to a little David Crowder, but I once again found myself uneasy.
As the day wore on my stomach was in knots until I finally gave in and handed it to Him. “If this is where you want me, give me peace.” An overwhelming sense of calm came over me as I stepped into a room of eleven board members who were to interview me. I felt like the meeting wore on for hours, but every answer flowed freely in comparison to other interviews. Knowing that I would continually have to be in prayer about the position, I thanked them and jumped in the car to make the two hour drive back to Orlando. When asked how I felt, I couldn't deny that I felt completely at ease. I shocked myself, expecting to feel completely uncomfortable about it; almost expecting to. Perhaps I was a bit disappointed that I did not feel uncomfortable, did I really want to take that job? It was almost as if I was saying, "Really, God? Are you sure this is the one?" Then when I felt Him saying yes, I asked again- expecting a different answer. Was I ready to do something like this? Was I capable of moving to a small town with no public bus system and no Chick-fil-a? Could I give up my First Baptist Family and go in faith to a small Methodist Church whose entire attendance didn’t even equate to our student ministry?
It’s been a good six hours since the meeting and I have felt nothing but peace about this call to go. I am overflowing with mixed emotions about this. Part of me knows it’s a fantastic opportunity to grow their nearly nonexistent student ministry, but my selfish nature wants to stay at FBCO and with my family. Discerning what is my will from God's will isn't difficult when I shut up and listen, but obeying is another story.
I feel utterly inadequate. Ironically my devotional this morning reminded me of exactly what I needed: God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.God didn’t even tell Abraham which direction to take, He just said pick up and go. That took a massive amount of faith on his part and I am worried about out about moving to a smaller town for ten weeks; I feel like a fool. I am utterly humbled, terrified, blessed and excited to take that step of faith and leave Orlando.
i shall be telling this with a sigh
somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and i -
i took the one less traveled by,